Fear Of Sucess: Energy

Are you following our FOUR-part series on the FEAR OF SUCCESS? Here are the first two questions in our ENERGY segment... Check out the whole conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/D9Gr0-JFMBo and follow our YouTube Channel www.YouTube.com/@OxygenCoaching for all the new content as it drops!

Q: Why is it important to kick off a series like a fear of success with energy?

Dennis: I think It is one of the most underrated things when it comes to people the masculine, the feminine. The reality is, and I would've bought myself a woo-woo fool to say this in my twenties, but we can feel people's energy and everyone knows when the boss is in a horrible mood when they walk into the room, you can tell. And it allows us to be more effective with the people we work with and the people we love. And to be able to understand somebody is feeling off or that you are feeling off and to be able to address that to me is very powerful.

And I have a personal belief that Eeyores need to be removed from your life. You know, the woe is me, that negative person that would complain if they won the lottery about the taxes they had to pay. And I have over the years removed half a dozen people like that from my life because they don't add anything to it. They just bring everything down. And it truly is an energy thing. I, I've been in the past I'm retiring from it, been a part-time entertainer for years. It's all about the energy you bring. You can't be mopey if you're an entertainer of children. And I'm a balloon artist.

So I show up with, you know, the happy energy because I'm getting entertain kids and I'm making balloons and I'm making smiles and I show up that way and all of my life and I'm very aware of my energy cause it impacts others.

If I show up down, I'm going to bring my partner down, you know, and if I'm working with somebody, I don't want to show up to a coaching session like all the Philadelphia fans are right now.

Kat: Oh, shots fired. Shots fired, You know, it's interesting when we talk about how you show up really in any situation, but I think for a lot of successful people, in my experience, those are always the problem solvers. And they have this perspective that once a problem solver always a problem solver. And they kind of have this upper hand, which is a very masculine type of energy, but it's also a high energy and it's a giver's energy, one that is bound to take the next step.

It's like that driver's personality. Interestingly in my work with different types of, personalities and, and people, those all get intermixed.

Driver personality, A-type personality, entrepreneur, masculine. And there are really a lot of different pieces. But what we're talking about here is a very energetic piece. And, I think you hit it there with that, your mindset. It's nobody wants Debbie Downer, in fact. Yeah. That's what holds us back. And it's, it's almost like judgment.

Dennis: Well, and you, I don't have it now 'cause it's later in the day. My coffee mug is a Tigger coffee mug. So you have Tigger and Eeyore the two extremes if you had to pick one, and then Tigger can be a little annoying at times, especially, you know, but nobody wants Debbie Downer.

And you're right about the problem solvers. There's a, they bring a certain energy, but they also don't look at it as a problem. They look at it as an opportunity and they're going to fix something. And part of that is their energy and their attitude about it. As opposed to Debbie Downers like, oh my gosh, what are we going to do? Everything is, you know, it's just not the way it is.

When you got the problem solvers, they're like, all right, what do we need to do to fix this? And, they solicit input, they bring the best out of the other people on the team because it isn't about what was me.

It's okay, what do we need to do? How do we fix this?

Kat: I tell people a lot in my work, you won't ever face judgment for somebody who's further down the path than you are. And a lot of times judgment can come from even people who love you. It can come from, you know, your family or your friends or someone who you think cares about you but is more than happy to judge you. Especially if you are exceeding something that maybe your family has never done before. Or maybe in the case of your work, you're the first one in your family to get a divorce. In my work, you're the first one in your family to own a business and not be officially gainfully employed by someone else. And that judgment comes from a place that they think is good. But people who judge you, will attempt to kind of hack at that mentality, and they want you to kind of feel bad about yourself, but in reality, you should not be taking judgment from those people. You should only be taking criticism and concepts and ideas from people who are further down the path from you. That's where you should be seeking your motivation. And that's how you improve. Not the people that are behind and the people that are judging you and the family while they think they have good intentions.

Dennis: It's from their own fear, their own inadequacies, and their own desire not to lose you. Because if we let you, if you level up, you might leave. You might move. If you go to college, you're the first one to go to college. You might never come back.

Kat: Yeah. Wow. I think I've heard that a few times, right? <laugh>? Yeah.

So going through your notes when we were preparing for this, we've done a lot of legwork to bring this series to the listeners. So we're excited about it.

Q: Motivation comes from action is one of the things that I read. And I love seeing somebody else build notes with mine because it is such an experience for me.

Elaborate on this for me in what that means.

When you take it to your coachee, you are not in a great frame of mind.

Dennis: Your energy is not good if you are sitting on the couch for three hours. In fact, as someone who just had a long flight back home after sitting in the airline seat for a couple of hours, getting up is uncomfortable. We are designed to move. It gets our blood pumping; it puts us in a better energetic state. And it allows us to think.

We now, in all of the retreats that I put on, build in hiking no matter what the retreat is. Hiking is a component because we've found people will open up. You get into more of a flow state when you're moving. It is hard to get into a flow state, even a creative if they're sitting still Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so it is, regular exercise is a key component.

You cannot live a fulfilled and well-rounded life if you're not taking care of yourself and you're own exercising. And quite honestly, I've had people over the years, who will go, oh, I don't have the energy for that.

I'm like, you don't lose energy by exercising again maybe for a few minutes after if you hit it really hard. But it is energizing in the long run. And I’ve got to be honest today. So, I just got back in a couple of days ago. Last night was my monthly poker game. I was up later than usual. I did not want to go to the gym.

I did my coffee first and then I was like, oh, we've got the recording. And I'm like, I don't want to be sitting all day and then do this. So I went to the gym and knocked out 45-minute workout. I wasn't tired afterward. I was energized. And you know, I'm like, all right, I can't wait to do this.

And I think people misunderstand how important it is to keep moving and to be moving on a regular basis, getting your steps in, getting your exercise in. You show up as a better version of you.

Kat: Yeah, it's, it's funny to me as in ironic that people believe it's a time suck and it's actually improving your efficiency. And there's, I'm sure a ton of medical background that neither one of us is going to be able to speak to, but it makes you more efficient the way your brain works and just your ability to stay awake and think we're, we're huge exercisers here and we have all kinds of challenges that we add, not because we are some kind of physical coach, but because we believe that it makes you show up better both professionally and personally.

What's interesting to me, beyond the fact that we share the commonality in the thought of exercising as being important, is that motivation comes from action.

When we're talking about people wanting to have success at an additional level, they think, oh my gosh, it's gonna take the same amount of effort to build a second time.

What I got the first time, and I was just having this conversation with a large group of women that I partner with, it's really not, you have to have this body of work, but when you have a supplemental body of work, one feeds into the other. And it's the same with exercise. If I exercise, I will do the rest of my work more efficiently and better.

If I have a current level of success, I can have my second level of success more efficiently and better. It's like a, a good bubble wand that's got all kinds of bubbles blowing out on top of it when we were little kids.

Dennis: But when you're going to build that second business, you knew these three things didn't work. The first business, this set of things over here worked amazing. So instead of learning and trudging through all of that, you take what works, you evaluate what didn't work, see if any of it applies to the new business, and you're going to be more efficient and quickly getting up to speed.

Yeah. And I would argue you're well served to add a lot more energy to it initially just to get overcome inertia. But I think then you are using your knowledge and intelligence and wisdom that you've learned from your other businesses to fine-tune and propel this one.

Kat: I used to tell my swimmers when I was coaching varsity swim dive, you fall to your highest level of preparedness.

So if we go out and we give ourselves the opportunity to practice, go to the gym every day, practice our business every day, practice with our kids and being a parent, being a spouse, whatever that looks like in your role for you every day, then when the rubber meets the road and things aren't going so while, then when you dip down and maybe you fall, then how low can you fall? Like if you've practiced up here at this really high level, the higher you raise the bar when you fall, maybe it won't be so low,

Dennis: You catch yourself sooner.

Kat: Yeah.

Dennis: I would take the b plus level swimmer with an amazing work ethic over the freakishly talented a plus with a poor work ethic every day of the week. And I'm sure you, you've seen that play out time and time again. If you have extreme talent and, and a lazy work ethic, it, it's really a waste.

Kat: Yeah. Think about who you'd hire if you were the employer and that was on somebody's resume, which one would you take?

Dennis: I did hiring for a while and I hired a truck driver once for a shop manager position. And I'm going to name a couple I'm going to repeat a couple of quotes.

“I thought you were an idiot for hiring him.” same thing. And I had the same comment on hiring a field guy because, but they got it.

And when you interviewed him, you realize you had somebody who, they happened to be doing this right now and they were doing it because it worked for them and they were looking to transition and when you interviewed them, you're like, I want people like this on my team. It's the whole bus thing. Get the right people on the bus. And the two hires that I was most criticized for at the time were the two of the more successful ones.

The field employee who everyone thought I was an idiot for hiring, became a foreman in nine months. He lost 50 pounds.

He was able to manage high school kids managing a music store and he was a woodworker and he truly loved creating.

And when I interviewed him, I'm like, yeah, I offered him a job on the spot and he got in shape with working physically. He lost weight, he was good with people and he got promoted. He was one of the quickest ever to go from not working in construction to a foreman that we ever had.

Kat: Yeah. High energy, willing to commit, and had the ability to follow through. Yes. You know, so for people who can't kind of are struggling with this concept of the importance of it, you know, I think the most important things that we can identify in ourselves or in another person in an interaction would be what does your energy level feel like? If you're struggling with it, how do you change it? And then in another per and in another person, what are they willing to put forth in their energy or how do they change it?

How are they willing to take a look inside and identify their energy level? And then once you get into the interaction between two people, that's a different topic.

See the rest of the series in our next blog post or on our YouTube channel @OxygenCoaching. To schedule coaching with Dennis please email DennisCollins@ManofLegacy.org. To schedule coaching with Kat please email info@oxygencoachinggroup.com.

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