Are you following our FOUR-part series on the FEAR OF SUCCESS? Here are the last two questions in our ENERGY segment... Check out the whole conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/D9Gr0-JFMBo and follow our YouTube Channel www.YouTube.com/@OxygenCoaching for all the new content as it drops!
Q: When we notice clients having a fear of success, one of the commonalities is that they make decisions as if they are in the same stage of like as they were when they STARTED their success journey. Like they slid BACK DOWN a game of chutes and ladders and have to begin again. What would you say to someone who you have identified is in a bad game of chutes and ladders and doesn’t realize it yet?
Dennis: You know, it's interesting, because it's very common. And the reality is, we never walk through the same river twice, we're a different person. The river itself is different. And I think we have those what'll happen if I'm successful, you know, what if things change, but we can't live a stagnant life. And if we just try to you, and I look at it as if you want to play it safe, and what you're doing is existing, not living not thriving, and living and thriving, looks like doing striving, taking risk? Because that's where all the fun stuff comes from. You know, and didn't you have fun the first time?
Kat: Well, you know, it's funny, because I think that there's a lot of us who look back, and maybe they didn't have fun the first time.
Dennis: Maybe even survival?
Kat: Yeah, for me, I know, I speak very fondly. Or, well, fondly, and often about my dad, and the success that my dad had my dad was, for those of you who are new to my channel, my dad was a very successful entrepreneur. And I work very hard to follow a lot of the things that he did, and that he taught me, but success cost him marriages, time with his children. Money, you know, there were there was a lot of things that maybe I don't even know it cost him. In my own life. Cost me my marriage cost me a lot of time with my kids. My kids are very fortunate. And I have great relationships with them now. But success doesn't come free for anyone. So, I think that when we look at what it takes to be successful, and then for a lot of people what it takes to decide do you want to embark on another journey of success? That might be one of the bigger hindrances that holds you back. I know what I gave up to get here. What will it cost me to go again?
Dennis: What will it cost you to not go again? Now, again, you've got the Wisdom from the first time, the lessons learned. And if you're feeling called for another venture or adventure, because that's what it is. What does it cost you to not try? How long have you been an entrepreneur? When was your first business?
Kat: I was 19. I was married with a baby a mortgage and a tax ID number.
Dennis: Okay. Yeah.
Q; I know you teach Pendulum theory in your classes often and it probably applies here as well.
Kat: I think that that's really probably the most relevant thing. I think it's we explain it as a pendulum. And it is it can be described in a lot of different ways in business and in your personal life. But an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by another force. For those of us who have seen success, and I think that's probably where you were going before I cut you off. Yeah, I've been doing this since I was 19. Even when I was working for someone else for periods of time, I still ran that portfolio like it was my own business. And it's, I don't know a whole lot of people who have owned their own business that even if they sell it for crap ton of money, or they go and decide, okay, we're going to close it or maybe the pandemic shut their business down because it would no longer function in the current environment, right. They still have got this like tiny side hustle. They're still looking to consult, they still have got this little tiny almost like a sand module in an oyster and they're still looking to make it because it's that constant motion. and of what am I going to do next? I think what we're talking about here in this series is how big of a swing are you going to put in that pendulum to? And what is it? I think it's Dennis, to me, it's a mindset, and who are you going to put yourself around that was willing to encourage a coach to a client yesterday? Who this series is literally fantastic for of course. And I said to him, give yourself some grace. You got yourself here through tons of adversity, his answer to me was yet I know I have to remain humble. True, as we should, right? But I also think which I said to him, we need those people around us who can say, yes, but I'm proud of you, you did a great job. Yes, we see you. And that's that piece of community that I think we all need so desperately.
Dennis: Well, in you, you mentioned the selling the business, if you look at and did a study of everyone who sold the business for seven or eight figures, or more, the ones that I'm free, I'm done. They enjoy that doing nothing for three to six months. And then they become miserable. And then they're like, I gotta, I need my next thing. I had a client, at the beginning of the week, he's in this looking to go to do something different. The business provides, it's no longer challenging. And he's, we talk because he's looking as an either-or. And it's, and if you can do it, now with one arm tied behind your back, you need a good number two, you don't have to sell it or dispose of it. While you look at a new division, or you look at your next thing, because he has people that are relying on the other company to a lot of people who are not business owners don't understand how important it is to a business owner that is providing a livelihood for a team that is as important to them as the business itself. Because you are putting food on their table. You're paying for mortgages, you know, their kids go to school. How could you not be proud of that? Yeah, you may need to be humble. But you know, I've talked to some business owners, and they talk about their teams first. It's not about how much money they make. It's about what great people work for him. And I think we need to, it's not an either-or a lot of times it's asked, well, you just had an acquisition. You didn't shut down your existing business you acquired and it's an end. And it just means you get to have some excitement, because you have something new. And something new requires different focus, attention, and energy.
Kat: It's always I just told someone this the other day. And for people who are listening that ask this question, I will rat you out. If you do this don't do this is like another pet peeve of mine waitresses who ask, do they need change? This is almost as bad. As when I talk about my team on a podcast when I'm being interviewed. And someone says to me, who is “we”?
inferring that I have co-owners? It's the biggest tell. I have co-owners. It's mine.
But I would never speak of my team like they are less than or that I am more than something without them. You know, you got to have that team mentality. And I think for people who aren't humble, they wouldn't have the success that they have now that get to this point. They don't give themselves enough grace. So if you have figured out in your head, hey, this is me tat they're talking about me. I wouldn't ever speak of myself like this. My team. They're my people. I'm not sure. And we've described you in the first five minutes of this episode. But you're not sure what it's going to take to be successful. I would hedge my bets that you've got what it takes to step out and say Okay, I'm ready to go again. Maybe with the help of a coach, not even an advertisement for you and me but it's the head trash that's holding you back because that success is the recipe for success on a second level.
Dennis: negative self-talk. We talk to ourselves in ways most people talk to themselves; they wouldn't allow any other human being to talk to them like that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, again, getting that mindset shifts on such a loser on the Fed. Now you're not. And the fact that you're concerned about things, and you're worried about the people working for you, and things like that, tells me you're a good leader. I had, my first boss after college was Tim Farr. And we did something we were at the top, statistically, in our department, companywide. And there was some big wig, congratulating him and he went, it's not me, my team. That lesson stuck with me, because he, we had another manager in that office, it was, look what I did, look what I did. And they had turnover. Insane in that department because that person had issues. And I had a boss that never, he just passed the credit down. And he took the blame. And things didn't go well. But he always passed the credit down, it is a mate, it's my team. And, and I've had, I've been fortunate I can count a few bosses like that I've had a few good ones over the years when I've not been self-employed. And the worst part about those bosses have to work harder for because I don't want to ever disappoint or lose respect in their eyes.
Q: Talk about “Put a shark in your tank”
Kat: Yeah, you know, I think that if they if you haven't watched this series, in a sequential order, it would be a good point, right now to go back and listen to the energy series, because I think that what we were talking about in the energy series here is that that's the natural transition. How do you feel about the position that you're in, even at work, or even in that relationship with another person, because that's the check-in that we referred to in the energy series about being around other people. If you are feeling like, Hey, this is it, right? I'm watching this fear of success series, because I think it's relevant to me, one of the things that I always tell people, or I describe the situation to is called Put a Shark in Your Tank. And I love this story when I heard it actually heard it quite a few years ago, and I'm still talking about it. So it rang true. For me, it was a story about a very high-end restaurant in New York serving seafood. And obviously, there is not a new kind of seafood organically in New York City. So they were flying it from the west coast to New York City. And by the time it would get to New York City, the fish that was supposed to be in a live tank was dead. And no one could figure out why in a matter of hours, all of the fish were going from the west coast to New York City and would be dead that fast. And what they discovered was if they put a shark in the tank, but not all of the fish would be alive when they got to them, but a whole lot more of them. And it proved that they needed that fight or flight instinct to continue swimming if they just put them in a move. Yeah, they if they just put them in the tank, they would in essence drown. Right? So, in the real-world application, we need a little bit of competition, we need people around us that are going to push and really encourage us to get out of our box and out of our comfort zone as my boyfriend tells us nothing to get out of your comfort zone. And, I think that it is extremely applicable to those of us who think, man, I'm tired. Like I'm done working this dang hard. But we also know we want something bigger. And what do what are we willing to do to put a shark in our tank?
Dennis: It's true. And you made me think of a quote by Marianne Williamson. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure, and it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. And that's the quote where everyone stops and it goes on though. We asked ourselves who am I to be brilliant, courageous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who you are. Who are you not to be your child of God. playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that's within us. And not just some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence, automatically liberates others,
liberate always do that source part, liberated from our own fear, our own fear,
and the OH is read that first little part about and but the whole code is beautiful, because it goes right to what we're talking about in this series, liberating ourselves from our fear. Well, what if? And you and I know what percentage of the things that people are afraid of actually have? Like a.in, a giant circle, you know, but we put all our energy on the what if, what if? What if it goes even better than you thought?
Kat: So I will tell you another great story about my dad. For those of you who don't know me, I talk about my dad a lot is a really good guy. So, my dad used to nine years, my dad has been gone for nine years. So even nine years ago, cash was still a thing. My dad would pay cash when he would we would all go out to dinner, and he would jingle the change in his pocket. So, nine years ago, I still had little people around my house and he would ask my kids if they wanted to trade whatever they had in their hand. So we're talking to theory money at this point in their lives. Or if they were allowed to pay the bill maybe Papa still had other money in his pocket if they wanted to trade for little kids this is a big deal because popper potentially had whatever he had in his pocket was probably could be significant. And sometimes they didn't want to trade like the $2 bill that came from the two three was kind of a big deal around our house. But you know, it could have been who knows? He was teaching a couple of things. Are you worried about what's going on? What happens if you lose risk and my children now 1011 1213 years later my children have such that that fear is so small yet as adults, we blow it so far out of proportion. And I wish I would have been the one that was wise enough to I feel like once I have grandkids, I feel like I'm gonna walk around jingling change in my pocket just to make my you know, manifest what my dad was doing. But if we thought of it that simple, you know if our grandfather was walking around the jungle and change but I Jingle that you know what I trade what I have for potentially the change sound and my dad's pocket.
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