Are you following our FOUR-part series on the FEAR OF SUCCESS? Here are the last two questions in our ENERGY segment... Check out the whole conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/D9Gr0-JFMBo and follow our YouTube Channel www.YouTube.com/@OxygenCoaching for all the new content as it drops!
Q: Masculine/ Feminine Energy is a topic around both of our coaching spaces and one of your Women In Business topics in 2022. What is your thought on how that affects the outlook of success?
Kat: I think the masculine feminine energy, which is a hot topic right now, no matter pretty much hot, hot topic, good Hot Topic bad. There's a lot of myths, misconceptions about it. But you and I have talked about this quite often. It there's a lot of personal connection to masculine, feminine. There's a lot of professional, masculine feminine connection as well. And I think if you have if you just your ears just went, Oh, God, they're gonna go there. Bear with us here for one second, we're not going to get weird on you. For my body of work, it's on our YouTube channel for Dennis's body of work. It's also there, his beautiful girlfriend, Melanie is on those videos as well. So if you think that Dennis doesn't know what he's talking about, maybe Melanie does. This is a really interesting topic when it comes to energy. Because here's the reality, whether you take energy work aside or not. Our workforce is full of men and women, men and women can both be masculine and feminine in the energy space. So, it's everywhere, whether this is something that you want to invest in or not. The reality is we work in a co Ed work environment, we also have co Ed, personal lives. So, this piece about energy is not necessarily something you can turn a blind eye to, you also have an opportunity to embrace it, especially if success or success at an exponential level is something that you desire. So, what do you think if somebody is just breaking into this topic? What is something that you think you need to know? In this moment about masculine feminine, if you had to give like one piece of advice, Dennis?
Dennis: Well, you may be a masculine man, you still have a feminine essence, it's just the minority and vice versa. And I will never say that a less masculine man is wrong if he's being true to his nature. And it's something I think we sadly, masculinity is often Okay, suck it up. And this is, you know, there's this old school mindset. And quite honestly, sometimes, the most masculine thing you can do is be loving and kind. And be open hearted and empathetic to your loved ones.
Kat: Yeah, for sure. I think that's, that's probably one of the snips we should put out on the series. Dennis, why didn't I get out on the farm? Yeah, I think in this study that we have done and oxygen and my own personal work, the idea of polarity in the masculine feminine work. And that's a hard lesson I love how you have mentioned multiple times, my younger self probably would have been well darn deserved to know this. But I was too dang stubborn to know. Or acknowledge that this was a thing. potentially could have saved a shit ton a heartache made me a lot more money, shorten some learning curves, but you know, it's all in the process. And when the other person, whomever it be, is in one mode, I am best served to be in the other, whether that's with someone I am coaching with my boyfriend with my children, by the way, I have a daughter and a son doing this with you. Now, polarity is how that kind of dance works. Somebody's going to be in their masculine and somebody's going to be in their feminine. And until you can embrace that process. I think it's more of an uphill battle or it's it's a longer battle.
Dennis: There's head butting. Two people can't lead a tango. But when one person leads and the other follows it's beautiful to watch. And I think you nailed it with the polarity. You have to depending on the situation, you know, sometimes it's the other person's taking the leap. You need to respond. We don't react. But again, younger me yeah, um, I look back and like, move. And being a former New Yorker didn't help, you know. But
Well, no. I grew up in the city, Staten Island, New York. And you know, for a quote unquote New Yorker who was in the Army I was one of those nice guys in my first marriage, and I avoided cause afraid of conflict. Again, because I didn't approach it the right way. Because I was, oh, I don't want to upset her. Instead of embracing what I believed in the times go and sitting down and having that difficult conversation, I was more avoided back then, where now Melanie will go, I got something I want to talk about. Let me know when you are in the right headspace. And that's code for Hey, little deeper conversation. And I love it. Because there's times I'm like, Yeah, little bit later. And most of the time, I'm like, let's go. Because I'm, I'm, I'm comfortable with where we're at. And I don't get hung up on whose role is to lead the conversation or what have you. And I think we have to not listen to I'll just say the lies of society. being feminine is a beautiful thing and a woman, it is not a sign of weakness. And you mentioned earlier, it is a beautiful dance, the masculine and the feminine when they're working. In concert, it is beautiful. That's the way we are supposed to be. You know, and one response to the other. So,
Kat: yeah, I think that when we work with some of our executive clients who are to a place where this is, you know, like I mentioned, they've, they've had their mistakes, they figured out that, you know, yeah, they got what they wanted, to a certain extent in the past, but they're ready for a different way going forward. And what we're referring to today, it's a fear of what they what they could potentially have, again, if they're willing to try, we are okay with this polarity concept when it comes to selling a big ticket item. Right? The emotional state of a customer if we remain intellectual, or we're okay with the polarity concept of employee versus employer. But when we take polarity and put a different context to it, then we get weird. We're actually not, we're actually very seasoned at this. So if we are willing to step outside of our box and gonna get a little bit uncomfortable and put that label on, are you willing to take the polarity concept and lay it on? Maybe understanding someone differently, or maybe getting something in an easier fashion? And I think that for high driver, people who are listening to this series thinking, Am I willing to put words on, I want the next bigger thing.
Dennis: It's interesting, you mentioned the high driver, people, almost every man that I work with, they are incredibly successful in all aspects of their life, until they walk through that front door. And they were never taught how to be a great husband. And they lose the polarity. They, they are leaders in every aspect, they walk through the door. And next thing, you know that it's like their world, bizarro world. And again, it's a skill to be learned. And it is not about controlling somebody, it's about appreciating the beauty of the feminine. And sometimes the chaos, which is part of the beauty, the feminine, it flows, you know, and the masculine is not just not the same. And, you know, that's one of the things once we can learn this, and the dance of the masculine and the feminine, our lives improve exponentially. And every guy I've worked with all of their relationships at home and at work improve, because they connect better with their people. And they allow them to understand they actually care about instead of being that standoffish, boss, now you recognize something's off with an employee, and you're approachable. When you go to talk to them, Hey, what's going on? They'll open up to you, because they've seen the softer side.
Kat: Yeah, it's, I think that there's not a lot of people out there on, you know, the Google space in the YouTube space, you and I can be one of the few dentists that help people understand that going out and physically exerting your body so that you can feel somewhere in your space. You know, earlier today when we were talking, whether it's your back or your legs or just being exhausted or whatnot, being actually able to feel something and then taking that feeling and being aware enough to understand, hey, I I have something to contribute and it's to Something bigger than me right now. It's not the hard work that got me here that was trips and falls and what I had to give up. It's what I can have and I'm powerful enough to get it
Dennis: Do you know how many coaches an NFL quarterback has?
Kat: Oh, I think the average was nine.
Dennis: There's a fitness one, there's, you know, their basic health and everything else. And it's insane. Why? Because you can't be an expert in everything. And what you're doing is you're taking somebody else's wisdom and guidance, who is not in that forest there that you're trying to get out of. And I describe, I'm the drone above the forest, helping you letting you know to turn left or turn, right. You've got to do the height, you've got to do the work. But I can get you out quicker, I can get you to the next level faster, and make help you make an amazing life for yourself. But you're the one doing the work. I'm just the guide along the way. Yeah, and we all need the I still haven't had, I still have a coach I work with. Yeah, I'm going through an actually new coaching program as well to improve my skill sets on things. This is not a destination, I'm done. I've got to a certain point. If you want to have a fulfilling life, this is a lifelong journey of working with somebody on something it may be physical this time. It may be your emotional or energy, you know, or a relationship thing. But there's always something we need to be working on and improving. Because if we're not growing, we're dying. And it sounds cliche, but it's true. Right?
Kat: We did an interview with Jillian Michaels a few years ago, she's on our on our channel, you can find it and even she says, Why would I not want to shorten the amount of time that it takes me to learn something. And by shortening it, I just mean, teach me to not fail? Remove the obstacles of failure so that I can succeed faster. I don't use that it's most like oh my gosh, what? Why does that make so much sense? Obviously, people who know Jillian Michaels, she is such an in-your-face type of person, which is not everybody's cup of tea. But when you talk about removing the obstacles of failure. Yeah, you know, and I think that for those of us who have seen success and failed over and over again, because that really is what success means. We've done that for ourselves, we can succeed because we know what those failures are, we don't give ourselves enough credit. Now it's time to learn the next stuff. And it really is, I think I've heard you say, in the past instant conversations together, it's in that deep work, that emotional energetic work, that it's good. We just don't give ourselves an opportunity to get in there and swim there.
Dennis: It's the best part of being a coach is it requires you to do that work with others constantly. So, you're also doing it for yourself with yourself. The reason I have the relationship I have now with Melanie is because of all the mistakes of the past because I didn't know better. And I wanted to change something. And quite honestly, I'm not afraid of failure because it is a steppingstone on the path to success.
Q: What is one thing that you think you had or HAVE a fear of success of?
Dennis: So when I decided to become a full time coach, it was something I was doing. I've looked at for a long time couldn't find the right training program. And I had a fear, I had these three core friendships, that I would lose those friendships. And it's not necessarily bad, and one of them did die off. They are not a person who's in a growth mindset at all. And if you are on a growth trajectory, and somebody else is not it changes things and one died off. One is close to the same and one is chest. Not quite the same depth and level of friendship that was still a good friend. But I've gained some friends that I could call up and ask them to help me move a body and they'd be like, I'll be there in a couple of hours. That's It's always my running joke of it's about how many people will help you move a body. And I have now a friend, Charlie, that is like brother I've never had, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But I didn't want to lose those valuable friendships but I was gonna have to be stuck if I didn't make this change. And I was I knew this is what I needed to do and, you know, one died off. I spoke with one of the other two today and I had lunch with the other one on Wednesday, you know? So I'm, and I've added, I've got a half a dozen more people in my minivan. Yeah, no close friends that I can talk to about anything. So I'm blessed.
Kat: Yeah, I think that having a fear of success is definitely a reflection of, you know, what you worked for? Right? I think that when we get to a place, so we've recently gone through a significant acquisition where we have acquired another company, and it's hard, it's one thing to go get to a level of success, you know, I work pretty hard to keep my dad's voice alive in my ear and working up to what I think he would consider success. But to keep my eyes open to what is also out there, you know, I know I'm doing work that he would be proud of, to potentially jeopardize that, you know, to make a route, take a risk, and potentially jeopardize that. And that's one of the things I think is hard for entrepreneurs is the head trash that we have to, you know, who do you surround yourself with? Again, this is kind of back to the Who do you take judgment from people who are further down the road from you are never going to cast judgment, but it's our own head trash. And what we are doing to keep, we're gonna keep on this topic today. But that's what we're talking about. Keep your energy high and make sure that you are not down on your own self, is hard is a hard enough game for those of us who are exhausted and feeling ourselves well, and things like that. So for level of success that I want, again, because I'm never going to be stagnant. It's hard to continue to chase success, knowing what I have given up a lot like other people, I've given up a marriage, I've given up other relationships, I've given up time with my children, I've given up, I struggled to get the business that I have. We're at a level of success. Now. Where do I go again? And what does that look like?
Dennis: What's riskier for you Kat? Playing it safe, we're taking the risk,
Kat: Interestingly enough, so we'll stay on this because this is a little off, what we're going to talk about, that is the receiving version of me in my feminine. So, because we have received we are, we are at a level of success here at my company and my kids are grown. And you know I can I've done this work. Now, being able to take an opportunity, like going through an acquisition was a very receiving moment for me to be fair, one of my children brought me this opportunity and we took it, it is not it’s not a survival piece for me anymore. This isn't something we have to do to be able to put food on the table anymore. And that awareness for those for those of people that are out there listening to this conversation today thinking, well, I don't have to do this. You're right. But for a lot of people, business is your playground. Now. It was your survival, to feed your family get out of corporate America, whatever it was, it was your survival mechanism. Now, I hear people tell me all the time, well, I do business for fun, or my favorite, I go to work because work is what I enjoy. Or it's easier to go to work, which I'm sure Dennis you hear as well. There's a whole slew of things that come out of that, but you may do what you do for a living for fun. This opportunity was me in a receiving mode saying, okay, you know what, I actually get to enjoy this. But that comes with risk. So where is the balance for me in taking care of others providing employment for others, getting to do this really cool thing. By the way, I got to go back to my engineering background. And this This was kind of a self-selfish self-care thing, which was kind of cool. But this was a little bit more me. And that's very different. I'm the one that's paying. I'm taking care of business. Right do and for others. And this is a different level of success that comes with fear.
Dennis: I love it. I don't consider what I do work. I love I went from in my 20s 30s and probably early 40s. Oh, I'll retire at this age, retirement. So security, blah, blah, blah. I will be 58 in two weeks. Yeah. Two weeks from two weeks. I actually have projects and plans right now. Out through for 15 years. It's mindset, your mirror is your biggest competition. It really is. And, you know, I mentioned this to you at one point, you know, I do CrossFit. I started CrossFit in my 50s. And there was a guy the gym was 28-year-old, he was a beast, you know, you, you're like, I'm not jumping on a box, this guy could do a double box jump. It was insane. my shins just hurt looking at it. And when I showed up, especially that first couple of weeks, I'm like, I was a little bit like, oh, boy, and I'm a two-time Iron Man. And I was intimidated. And I finally had the light bulb, come on. The guy who you look at the morning in the mirror is, you know, before I go to cross it, did I leave it all out there. Am I better than that guy yesterday, that's the only thing I need to work towards. And I've really taken that in all aspects of my life.
See the rest of the series in our next blog post or on our YouTube channel @OxygenCoaching. To schedule coaching with Dennis please email DennisCollins@ManofLegacy.org. To schedule coaching with Kat please email email@example.com.